Phoenix Gatekeeper

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  We each play a life role that is unique, and yet we are integrated to that which transcends what we could know from a singular perspective. Our lives viewed individually appear as discontinuous threads. In hindsight, we see woven through the moments of our lives the weft threads coalescing a breathtaking design. When all the threads are woven together the perfect tapestry of the entire human life is revealed.


  At birth, each of us are endued with threads of time that are woven together in singular moments then irrevocably unraveled in the next. All living things are sparks of the Divine incarnated at a specific point to experience Itself in physical form. Each path is unique and somewhat preordained. There are fated events in your life that are meant to happen that you cannot change.  Your fate is transformed into Destiny through the way you respond to such fated experiences.  Your response is your free will choice. How one responds will lead them to their perfect destiny, although more often the path is met with detours. Yet, these detours delineate transcendent beauty. Fate is the Kalaga cloth, and Destiny is determined by the manner in which the threads are woven. 


At 6:30 am on July 16th I was jolted awake from a deep sleep. I felt a bolt of lightning rush through my body.  I was visiting my cousin in California at the time. In that exact moment, Ohio time 9:30 am, there was an explosion that claimed the life of my youngest child.  In that instant, his transition changed my life forever, and the lives of many others.  Writing these words, I realize that I have no adequate description to accurately express to you the reader regarding this. Words fall short in expressing the depths of emotion the human spirit is capable of dwelling in. One thing I do know is that my odious emotions were shared by many. Thanks to the TV evening news and daily newspapers those that didn't know us personally have been affected.


 On that fateful morning, my 19 year old son Paul started off his day like any other day. He ate breakfast, shared a cup of coffee with his dad and went to work. Then he died from a gas tank explosion in Bolivar, Ohio  In navigating the grief process, I search in earnest for resources that would help me make sense of my personal experiences. Generally, I discovered the superficial steps that are described as stages, Shock/Denial, Anger/Guilt, Despair/Depression, Acceptance.  But ultimately the metamorphosis of emotional death and the re-emergence of a new life was an inner personal journey. For me personally the shifts not only changed my life forever but my son's death brought me down to the deepest recesses of despair. Like the phoenix the fires of change burned me down to ash. Fortunately, a few friends and family provided support and space during a very pivotal time.  Taking a sabbatical became critical for grief consumed my spirit.  Today five years later I feel a new foundation within me. I also recognize that the possibility for me to never emotionally recover from this was paramount. The physical life seemed of no consequence compared to the grief of loss.  After enough time elapsed the personal torment burned itself out and a new presence that is me only different, emerged.  While living in solitary exile all the low vibration emotions and unresolved memories cleared, and the space created a vacuum for a new life to emerge. Through this grief journey I continued to ask the question Why? Continuously I asked Why, just tell me why.  I never received an answer however, dwelling in the question opened up realms of infinite possibility that before were only theoretical. Teachers appeared adding golden threads to the Tapestry of my life. This book includes a recorded channeling from Psychic Medium Laura Lynn, and the channeled writings from Language of Light Spirit Communicator, Healer Brian Borell.


 In my search for comfort and understanding I found that the stories written or discussed by other bereaved parents provided some nourishment. These pages feature my stories and are meant to serve the same purpose. Take what works for you and leave the rest. 


In Love and service,  Rev Daria Kathleen Sherman PhD   


Tapestry is available as paperback through Lulu.com, Amazon, Barnes & Nobles, or any online order bookstore. 

Also available as Kindle through Amazon.


For a free PDF of Tapestry email request to [email protected] 


Death and Relationships

 

The strength or weakness of a relationship will be measured and revealed in the face of loss.  I was married in June, one month before my son died. Six months later in December, we divorced.  Truth be told, the foundation of our relationship was built on sand, and the waves of change brought by the death on my child washed away everything very quickly. Statistically the rate of divorce after the death of a child is very high. The death of a child immediately and completely shatters you as a person and as a result your life is irrevocably changed.  The natural progression in all married relationships is that couples grow and change over time both individually and as a couple.  To navigate the changes, the married couple needs to renegotiate and redefine the parameters of their partnership.  Change is inevitable in all relationships, however; it's rarely sudden and complete.  

  Even though two people are grieving the same loss, the way in which they grieve is often very different.  One partner might be very expressive and discuss continuously about how he or she is feeling, while the other remains aloof and silent. One might express grief in traditional ways (crying, etc.), while the other shuts their emotions down completely.  One may become unable to work and have a normal daily routine while the other may become a work-acholic. Sometimes you resent your partner for bringing you down when you're having a good day. Other times, you feel guilty as you reach for another tissue to wipe your tear stained face.  Sensing that most people are uncomfortable witnessing strong emotions, you apologize.

 I was visiting my cousin across the country when I received the news of my son's crossing. I remember sitting in the LA airport with a crowd of people waiting for my flight. The intensity of my emotion was so extreme that it was impossible for me to contain it. I place my head in my hands a wept. People sitting next to me shifted their bodies away from me.  A woman sitting across from me, lowered her magazine for a moment to peer at me, then raised the magazine back up to cover her face. I distinctly remember that she wore black framed glasses.  The moment was so surreal.  Not a single person inquired as to why I was so distraught.  Like a homeless man sitting on a street corner, they pretended I wasn't there. 

 The grief process is a very personal and often consuming one. There is little space available to consider another's feelings, needs and desires. Just to make it through the day, one often shuts down and shuts everyone out. As a couple, it is imperative that you find the balance between giving each other space when you need it, and holding each other. Losing a child is the hardest thing a couple can go through. Yet the shared loss has the potential to heal or strengthen the relationship. 

  Unless you have personally experienced a loss of someone so close to you like a child you cannot truly know what it feels like.  Just as you can only know what a peach tastes like after eating it. Looking at pictures or hearing descriptions of a peach will never reveal its taste. The man I was married to when my son crossed was a step father for less than 1 month.  We did not share a history involving my child.  His understanding was limited.  Our relationship wasn't strong enough to navigate the winds of change.  When he left five months after my son died all I could do was watch him leave.  Sorting through the emotions that accompany divorce had to be placed on the backburner.   I prayed for guidance on what to do. Over and over I was told to sit down, be still and go within to that center place where the "Beloved" dwells. I felt like a little girl told to go sit in the chair for a timeout in the corner. Then my mind worried about how will I live, and where will I live. I attempted to find work.  Exhausted I sat in sadness.  Then I wrote.  I told myself that at least I'm moving beyond the paralysis of grief.  Then I didn't know which was better.  At least in the paralysis I felt no concern or worry for future. For nearly a year I held me in a self- imposed exile for my soul was very tired.  The intense and enduring grief wore me out leaving me with little energy to leave the house.  In hindsight withdrawal from the world was exactly what my soul needed even though eventually I needed to make a choice to be courageous enough to re-engage with life. 

  Examine your life; and question everything. You will know if you are holding a limited belief by how you feel within your body. It will feel contracted. Feelings of self-doubt, depression and anger will be your companions. Life will reflect struggle. Stop believing every thought you have. Your thoughts will bring you peace and joy, or they can and will break the spirit of your soul. Become the observer of your thoughts and when you are in the spiral of struggle reach for a feeling of gratitude, joy, love, and expansiveness. In doing so you will become larger than the conditions of your life.  You must become larger than your grief in order to transcend it. It is in reaching for the light that your personal darkness is vanished.  

 Initially I held the perspective that I was abandoned because my husband left when I needed him the most both emotionally and financially.  I was at my lowest vulnerable point when he moved away. As an outside witness, one could easily cast all the blame on him. Yet, even though I physically was married to him, the moment my son crossed, I emotionally, spiritually, intimately, and financially withdrew 100% from our marriage.  From his perspective, he lost not only a step son but his wife as well. The woman he fell in love with was gone with seemingly little or no hope of return.  Emotionally wounded he reacted in a familiar pattern which is to create physical distance between him and his perceived source of pain. One month after we divorced my ex-husband had a heart attack.  He survived, and then took the time needed for self -care.

  Heartbreak happens to all of us and can wash over us like a heavy rain. When experiencing a broken heart, our ethereal selves are saturated with grief, and the overflow is channeled into the physical body. There is a physical emptiness, and longing that is transmuted into a feeling which words can never fully explain. Mending a broken heart can seem to be a monumental and overwhelming task. Often the pain that wounds us most deeply also leaves the most enduring mark upon us. Over time the shock transforms into a tender, throbbing ache in the heart. Paradoxically this heartache becomes the catalyst for very a deep, rich, and beautiful life.   Acknowledging heartbreak's impermanence by no means dulls its sting for it is the sting itself that is the catalyst for healing. The pain is letting us know that we need to pay attention to our emotional selves, to sit with our feelings and be in them fully. It is said that time heals all wounds. Time may dull the pain of a broken heart. But it is in fully and completely feeling your pain and acknowledging it that cultivates the conditions for healing to occur. Holding yourself in gentleness is the salve for heartache. Eventually in your own time, open the door to the possibility of trusting and believing in love again. When, you emerge from your period of grief, you realize that even though time stopped for you, life continues on. Your emergence through to the other side will be into a strength never before known within you.

A couple of years after our divorce, as fate would have it, my ex-husband and I met. However, there was no reuniting, rather a completion. Often when couples physically divorce they remain tethered energetically usually at the level of their unresolved grievances.  The same happens when a loved one crossed and there is unfinished business.  Perhaps you didn't get to say goodbye. One may feel remorse because the last conversation they had with their loved one was an argument. I promise you it is never too late for resolution. Create a sacred space, light a candle, or look at a photograph.  Say what you need to say and know that your child or your loved one in Spirit hears you. I learned an interesting exercise from Medium Laura Lynn as a way to connect with crossed over loved ones: Stand in front of and very close to a mirror. Gaze into your own eyes while holding the intention of connecting. Soon you will feel and softly see their eyes looking back. This exercise is only meant to be practice for a minute or two.  Speaking your truth along with forgiveness brings completion. Completion is necessary in order to be released from your painful past, resetting your personal vibration back to the present moment.

  The experience of death of a loved one and the collateral losses after,  forever and irrevocably changed you. You cannot rekindle that which is no longer. Life doesn't tarry with yesterday There is life after loss but only when you are willing to move forward and reach for something more Otherwise the personal life experiences will be more of the same, which is more Loss.